


You Don't Have To Hide Anymore

by Via13



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged up characters, Coming Out, Crying, Fluff, Gay Character(s), M/M, Running Away, brief angst, trans!Akaashi Keiji, transgender character, transphobic parents, transphobic side characters, very mild swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-21 21:25:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11952948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Via13/pseuds/Via13
Summary: When Keiji came out as trans to his family, they didn't accept him and treated him as the gender he'd left behind.So he left.Years later, he's dating his longtime best friend, Bokuto Koutarou.But Keiji hasn't told him his secret.And he isn't prepared for what Koutarou's reaction is when he does.





	1. Prologue

_Keiji knew he was in for a storm when he came out as trans to his family. His mother turned around, again facing the cutting board she was chopping onions on. The knife came down harder and harder with each chop, making Keiji flinch._

_His father pressed his lips together tightly, dark green eyes narrowing dangerously. Then he spoke, voice low._

_"Keiji, you are not a boy. You are a girl and nothing you do can change that. Understand?"_

_Keiji remained silent, his gaze focused on the floor._

_"Keiji, do you understand me? I will not have this kind of behavior in my house." His father's voice was like iron._

_He looked up, directly into his father's eyes. "No, I don't understand. I've never felt like a girl. You aren't the one to tell me what I can and cannot feel, otousan.*_

_"I'm sorry, did I ask you? I said, you are a girl and I will not accept a child who thinks she is a boy. No way in hell will I do that."_

_With that, his father stalked out of the kitchen, leaving Keiji alone with his mother._

_"What the hell are you doing, Keiji? You've never acted like this before." She finally spoke, still facing away from him._

_"I'm trying to tell you that I don't feel right as a girl, hahaoya.*"_

_"I don't care. You were born a girl and that is what you will always be, get it?"_

_Keiji had had it. For the first time in his life, he raised his voice at his mother._

_"You know what, mother?" He spat out the English word. "I tried to tell you as nicely as I could. I was just trying to get it across to you that I don't feel right as a girl! This is my choice. I don't care if you try to stop me. You can't suppress my feelings."_

_He left the kitchen then, but was halted by his mother snatching his wrist, nails carving crescents into his skin._

_"Then leave. I don't want a trans child here." She released his wrist and turned away again._

_Keiji left and didn't look back._


	2. Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keiji is getting closer to the breaking point; he wants so badly to tell Koutarou his secret, but can't bring himself to do it. This is kind of a filler,,,, im sorry,,,

Keiji opened his eyes, squinting against the bright sunlight that filtered through his blinds.

Slowly trying to sit up, warm arms tugged him back down, and his head fell on the pillow again.

"Kou.. let go, I'm hungry. Besides, it's almost 11 am, we should be up."

Koutarou, whose arms were still wrapped around Akaashi's waist, mumbled groggily, "nooooo, let's just stay here all day, Keijiiiiii..."

"We have jobs, you know. And I need food."

Of course, Koutarou perked up at the mention of food. "What's for breakfast?"

"I'm thinking something from that new little cafe down the street. I'm in the mood for muffins and coffee."

"Ooh, bubble tea!"

"That too." Keiji gently pushed Koutarou off the bed, a short laugh escaping him when he heard him groan in response.

Going into the bathroom and shutting the door, Keiji couldn't help but glance at the mirror, at his reflection. He sighed silently as he stared at his face. _Why do I still look so feminine? Even after all these years..._

Turning away, he brushed his teeth and freshened up quickly, trying to avoid catching his reflection in the mirror as he did. 

He and Koutarou left soon afterward, headed for the small new cafe nearby. 

"So, just out of curiosity, Keiji," Koutarou started. "Did you actually have any other crushes besides me?"

"No, it was only you."

"Hah, I knew it! Konoha owes me 500 yen for this!"

"...You were betting on my crush on you?"

"Uhhh....." Koutarou looked away and whistled a random tune, pretending he'd forgotten what he was saying. Keiji lightly shoved him, snorting, and strode ahead. Of course, Koutarou shoved back, and they pushed each other, laughing, on the way to the cafe. 

Once inside the cafe with their drinks and food, something occurred to Keiji as he was sipping his coffee. "Hey, Koutarou, I have a question..."

"Mmf?" Koutarou looked up, muffin in his mouth. 

"Well.. what would you think if someone very close to you was.. I don't know, transgender?" Keiji tried his best to not say _I_  in place of _someone very close to you._  

The owl-haired boy paused to swallow. Then he said, "I don't know. I don't know any trans people, so I don't have a clue of what I'd do..."

Keiji nodded and took a bite of his muffin, ending the conversation. Koutarou carried on with his lively chatter, filling the silence. He didn't seem to notice Keiji being quiet.

After they left, Keiji didn't say a word on the way back to their apartment. Thankfully, Koutarou didn't seem to notice, just like in the cafe. 

He couldn't sleep that night, or for nights afterward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok ok i'm v sorry this chapter was actual, literal horseshit,, i needed a filler and here it is *weak fanfare*
> 
> anywaY PEOPLE ACTUALLY READ THIS?!?! OH MY GOD???? DID NOT EXPECT ??? THANK YOU, LOVELY PEOPLE.
> 
> pls leave comments if you liked it (nope i totally don't need constant validation of my work amdjsjssk)
> 
> i'll shut up now,, but THANK YOU FOR READING!!!!


	3. Confession: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keiji finally breaks, after several sleepless nights. He can't hide it anymore. 
> 
> also: Bokuto is a professional digital artist/illustrator and Akaashi is a graphic designer! i probably forgot to mention that lmao

Keiji yawned for the sixth time that afternoon. He was so tired, he could barely keep his eyes open. 

His almost silent studio, the soft buzzing of the computer in front of him, and the dim lighting didn't help much. 

Lately, he hadn't been able to catch much sleep. He had been so worried about Koutarou finding out his secret the past few nights, he couldn't sleep till dawn. 

_What if he leaves me just because of this?_

_What if he hates me for not telling him for so long?_

_What if he won't accept me?_

The questions circled his mind like an endless rollercoaster. 

Forcing his eyes open, he continued sketching. His job as a graphic designer kept him fairly busy.

The day couldn't go by any more slowly.

-

Keiji nearly sprinted out of the studio the second he saw the clock hit 18:00 (6 pm).

Glad to be free of the small office-like area, he strode out of the building where he worked and headed for the bathrooms. _My binder is bothering me again.. maybe I should get a new one._

On the way there, he passed Tsukishima Kei, a fairly close friend of his and husband-to-be of Kuroo Tetsurou, who was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh, hey, Akaashi-san," Kei greeted, bowing his head respectfully. 

"Good to see you again, Kei."

"You too."

"Uh, where's Kuroo-san? I need to talk to him about something," said Keiji, glancing around in search of the older man and his... _distinctive_... hairstyle.

Kei paused to think. "I'll tell him when I see him."

"Thanks." With that, Keiji headed for the bathroom, entering and shutting the stall door. After adjusting his binder and leaving, he left for home, constantly checking his phone for messages or a call from Kuroo. 

He greeted Koutarou, who was sprawled on the floor and drawing on his computer, and went to change. 

This was going to be difficult. 

-

Koutarou looked up as Keiji came back into the main room, settling down beside him to watch him draw. 

"Keijiii, I can't draw today. It's so annoying!"

"What do you mean? That's certainly better than anything I've ever drawn," Keiji answered, fascinated by the complex sketch Koutarou was complaining about. 

"I have high standards!"

"Oh?"

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Koutarou made a whining sound and rolled over, so his head was on Keiji's lap. He looked up, and upon seeing Keiji's face upside down, he grinned childishly.

"I swear, you're a five year old in a man's body."

"Rude!"

Keiji gently pushed Koutarou off his legs. "Do your work, you doof."

"Hnnnnnnnnngggggggggg."

Keiji sighed. "If I had to work, so do you." He pointed to the computer. "Do it."

Internally, he was screaming at himself for not bringing up the topic of his gender. 

_Keiji, you're not a kid. It's just another thing to get off your chest. Stop being so damn scared of this! It's about time you tell him! Just get this over with!_

Keiji took a deep breath and said, "Koutarou, there's something I need to tell you."

"Yeah, Keiji?" Koutarou met his eyes, shining gold against gunmetal blue. 

"I.." Keiji started, mentally kicking himself. "I've been keeping something from you."

Koutarou's eyes narrowed. "It better not be cheating."

"What? No. It's different."

"Then?"

"I.. I'm transgender, Koutarou."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS IM SORRY I SPLIT THIS INTO TWO FOR CLIFFHANGERS AND BECAUSE IT LOOKED BAD IN ONE LOOOONG PAGE. 
> 
> shsjsjsj this was also mostly filler (m sorry i have no ideas)
> 
> KUROTSUKI AYO
> 
> anYWAY thank you for reading my weird little fic!!!! I LOVE YALL. mUCH LOVE!
> 
> ONE PART LEFT!!!! WHAT WILL KOU SAY???
> 
> i'll shut up now,,,
> 
> EDIT: FUCK I REALIZED I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WITH KUROO,,, I COMPLETELY FORGOT AND NOW THERES A HOLE AND ITS 2AM AND I DONT HAVE THE SANITY, ENERGY OR MOTIVATION TO FIX IT SORRY OMFG
> 
> EDIT #2: let's just go with the idea that Keiji tried to ask Kuroo how to tell Kou he was trans but Kuroo wasn't helpful in the least. i'm sorry i'm so disgustingly lazY


	4. Confession: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keiji's done it. 
> 
> I'm bad at summaries.

_"I.. I'm transgender, Koutarou."_

Koutarou could only stare at Keiji in shock, unable to speak. His voice had stopped working entirely.

Silently, Keiji buried his face in his hands. Koutarou could see his shoulders shaking slightly, as if the cool aura he always possessed had fled.

He couldn't tell how many seconds, maybe minutes, of silence passed between them.

Koutarou couldn't take it anymore when he saw the tears slipping from between Keiji's fingers, sliding down his hands and falling to the ground. 

"Keiji." Koutarou moved to touch Keiji's wrist, seeing him twitch at his touch. 

He moved his hands enough to see Koutarou, his beautiful eyes slightly puffy. 

"Keiji, I'm not mad."

"Y-you're not?"

"Why would I be? _How_ could I be?"

Keiji swiped the tears from his flushed face. Then he spoke again, voice quavering. "I hid this from you for so long. I thought you would hate me."

Koutarou could feel tears brimming in his own eyes. "I couldn't be mad at you. Not ever!"

"But I.. I was too scared to tell you. I hid it for so long because I thought you would do the same thing to me that my parents did," Keiji whispered. 

Koutarou's voice hardened. "What? What did they do?"

"They refused to accept me. They just kept saying that the gender I was born with was the gender I would always be, no matter what I did. They never got it into their transphobic heads that I didn't want to be a girl. And I had to run away because of them."

Keiji looked up again, gaze finally meeting Koutarou's.

"I thought you would do the same thing."

Koutarou could have sworn he felt his heart break right then, shattering into little pieces. 

"I could never, ever do that to anyone, much less you! Keiji, I accept you! I think you're beautiful and I'll always treat you as you want to be treated. I would never hurt you," Koutarou burst out, feeling the tears falling. 

He hugged Keiji, feeling the younger man silently crying again into his shoulder. 

Koutarou cried too, out of joy, relief and a raw, pure emotion he couldn't quite name.

Still holding him, Koutarou whispered into Keiji's ear, 

_"you don't have to hide anymore, Keiji."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end!!!! 
> 
> oh god i legit teared up when i wrote about my boys crying,, i hate making them cry,,,,,,, 
> 
> BUT AKAASHI DID IT AND I AM SO PROUD OF HIM AJJSJSJS
> 
> I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED IT!! i'll probably edit the whole thing later because i suck at writing,,, 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING, COMMENTING, AND LEAVING KUDOS! IT MEANS SO, SO MUCH TO ME AND I LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOU~

**Author's Note:**

> ayy it's Aza. this is part one of a short fic i was suddenly inspired to write. i love the idea of trans Akaashi~
> 
> i hope y'all like this! 
> 
> oh yeah: 
> 
> otousan = father  
> hahaoya = mother (at least i think so, my (basic) Japanese is a little rusty)


End file.
